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| That's right..say goodbye to sleep lady. |
My Facebook statuses went from 'Great times at the pub! WHOOO!' to 'My baby pooped and then smiled at me..I think she is a genius!' How is it that fun-loving, rational, intelligent people decide to have babies? Don't get me wrong, I love my little pirate princess fiercely, but I often stop to wonder what really made me want to have a baby. Being the (almost) last one of my girlfriends to become 'Mom', I knew what was in store for me...or did I? All the advice and knowledge passed on to me during their first experiences was glowingly positive. Not that I think they would lie about motherhood, but we do tend to dust everything with a fine layer of pixie powder when it comes to our beloved offspring. Also, non-parental friends are rarely listening, so even if you did extend any warnings, I was probably daydreaming about puppies or surfing. Or drinking wine. I used to do that a lot (more).
So, my constant reader, if you have not been blursed (that's blessed and cursed for you newbies) with a delightful bundle of eating, pooping, loving joy allow me to share some of the wisdom I wish I had known before my spawn burst forth from my loins:
1. Your baby loves you.
No matter what. Really, believe it. Your house is a mess, you ate fruit loops for dinner, and you are pretty sure your panties are on inside out. News flash...baby doesn't care. He wants to you to love him that is all, because he loves you. He also needs food and diapers changes and that kind of stuff, but you get the idea.
2. You will love your baby, but sometimes you will not be friends.
That's right ladies, for all of you who harbour guilt about not liking your baby when he loses his shit at 3am...chill. I on several occasions have wanted to throw my little nubbin out a window, or set her on the front step to see if the stork would pick her back up. Don't worry, this is totally normal...just don't act on those feelings, have a glass of wine instead.
3. Surround yourself in a comfortable bubble of no judgement.
Seriously, you have feelings of inadequacy no matter what. You will always be questioning whether you are doing the 'right thing'. You don't need your BFF to tell you you are doing it the wrong way. Neither does she need you to dwell upon what you consider to be her mistakes. Chances are, both of you are screwing something up, but that is just part of it, embrace the fact that no one really knows what they are doing, just do your best.
4. Grow a thicker skin.
Just because someone on your Facebook list puts up an "I hate cloth diapers, click like if you agree" post, does not mean they are personally attacking your parenting style if you love cloth diapers. See number 3.
5. Take ownership of the fact that you will never be perfect.
Know it. Love it. I remember hearing about a set of brothers who had 'perfect parents'. I think their last name was Menendez. Seriously though, once you realize that your child's fate does not lay in every tiny decision you make, being a parent becomes a lot more fun.
6. Always remember the golden rule.
Treat your baby the way that you would want to be treated. With kindness and respect. They are just mini humans after all.
7. If you want you kid to be the next Steve Jobs give him up for adoption.
Really, one of the most inspirational people of our generation didn't have the most rosy life, so why are we so so convinced that if the childhood is perfect we will create perfect little humans? For there to be true greatness, there has to be some adversity, give your child the tools to deal with that adversity instead of sweeping it up in front of them. Curling is for nerds anyway. (JK...please don't berate me Curlers)
8. Ask for help.
I know it's tough, but if you need it, do it. Even if you don't need it, people love to help new parents, so let them.
9. Don't listen to me.
Honestly, your experience and opinions may be completely different form mine. There are about 7 million baby websites out there with expert advice, amateur advice, diagrams pictures et cetera. You also have the collective knowledge of all the parents you know. Use your own personal sifter, get rid of what makes you feel bad, and what you think is not right for your family, and keep the good stuff.
10. Frankie says Relax.
Don't you wish your parents were less uptight? Relaxing does not mean you let your kids eat ice cream for dinner and become strippers (wow that escalated quickly) but it does mean you are a happier parent, kids dig happy people.
What do you wish someone had told you before you had kids? I would love to hear your tidbits!
xo
M
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